Freaked up

Great to meet you


Wow, you’re gorgeous.  What a great smile.

Thanks 👍  
Is there… anything about it me you find attractive?

No, no i don’t really find you attractive at all. I think you’re quite ugly. But I’d like to hear more about what you find of me that is attractive 👍

Oh… uh well. I think you have nice ears

Thankyou.  God I look so great today. You still look awful but i like being around you, because with you near me, you make my beauty seem better in comparison. 

Great, yeah, so i take it you wanna hang out again?

Sure thing.  As long as you pay again. You have to know your place.

No probs. My self esteem is incredibly low. Feel free to take advantage of that. 

I am and will. 


Im going to write how i honestly consider my looks. 
I believe i am grotesquely unattractive. I used to think i looked quite sexy, but the lack of any positive attention was very telling. All while being surrounded by people who have attention lavished upon them but constantly complained about thier supposed lack of beauty. 
When i was a kid i didn’t care about any of this stuff. I just learnt, danced, had fun and engorged my time with family. 

Now my life has so many rules and things.  Ive been trying to stsy busy so i wouldn’t think amour how lonely and sad i am inside, behind the closed doors of my heart. 
I want to be looked upon in adoration by a man im attracted to. I want to have love and affection and be more than just ‘goofy steve’. I want a sexuality. I guess I’ll just keep pretending. 
See, i always thought, why date ppl if i don’t like myself.  All the books i read say you have to love yourself first b4 you find a true love bond. The thing is though, that i DO love myself.  I eat junk food sometimes and am not perfectly healthy, so went haven’t i attracted a guy? 
I wish i knew.

Fat. Bald. Ugly? 
Definitely inexperienced. 
Thank goodness I’m not attractive to the same sex, able to charm people and have physical fitness that shows i take care of my physical wellveing. Ooooh yeah. Now THAT, would be bad. 
Ps never go to the gym after eating sad food. It results in freakishly honest sad thoughts. 

Waste of time

Today i drove to Albury, which is an hour drive (one way) from my house. Ive learnt a good lessin: Call ahead and don’t trust the (supposed) opening times on google maps. The protein supplement place was off by an hour and the health food shop didn’t exist. 
I feel strangely hungry and also not so strangely peeved. Esp since i felt the sent me a sign prior to Rutherglen, in which i was stuck at 89km behind two trailers and three other cars. I heard an intuwhisper say “go to Wang instead” but i didn’t listen. 


And then the warrior found her inner strength. She stopped making herself small, to hide herself from the abusers, she instead rose up, taking the helm of her own salvation, donning the cap of personal freedom and self love, and singing her war cry of universal truth. 
Her destiny beckoned her, and she was finally able to connect with the energies swirling around her super-being. Like phantasms of light, they crept over her physical body, releasing her shackles of fear and shame, allowing her soul the movement it had longed for so greatly.